Love Is, Love Chooses
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”— 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
We can all love someone deeply and still be incredibly annoyed by the way they load the dishwasher. We can be grateful for someone’s presence in our lives and wish they would tell the story just a little faster. Loving someone does not automatically make us patient, kind, or cinderella-birds-whistling-level pleasant before our morning coffee. Those qualities have to become choices we practice. And the people we love typically provide us with plenty of opportunities to practice.
Paul writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4, NIV).
We often hear those words at weddings, when everyone is dressed beautifully (except that one person who did not get the dress code memo), someone has arranged some flowers, and patience has not quite yet been tested the way it will be in the coming years. However, Paul originally wrote them to a church learning how to live together (1 Corinthians 12). After discussing spiritual gifts given for the good of the body, he explains that extraordinary abilities, knowledge, and sacrifice amount to nothing without love. Being spiritually gifted does not excuse treating people poorly.
The love Paul describes takes place through deliberate action. Because we love, we choose to exercise patience when someone is moving more slowly than we prefer. We practice kindness when a sharp response would come much more naturally. We celebrate another person’s success while bringing our own envy honestly before God. Feeling affection for someone does not mean these responses happen automatically. We learn to act in ways that honor the person we say we love, including when our emotions have several other suggestions for us.
John makes that responsibility plain: “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and truth” (1 John 3:18, NIV). Our declarations need to become something another person can experience. We show up, we bring the meal, we put down the phone and listen, we serve when there is no applause, and we stay attentive when the need continues longer than expected. Sometimes love looks like doing the very ordinary thing we would prefer someone else handle.
Although they feel cheesy, classic marriage vows actually address this concept beautifully. “In sickness and in health” and “for richer or poorer” anticipate circumstances that will not always feel romantic. We promise faithfulness before we know what it might cost. Those words become practical in a waiting room, over a difficult budget, or during a season when one person may have very little left to give. The same deliberate care belongs in our friendships, families, and churches. Love learns to remain present through inconvenience, disappointment, and the slow work of walking alongside another person. Some of its hardest choices happen quietly.
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV).
Paul describes love as refusing selfishness, dishonor, and keeping an account of wrongs. That last one can be a bit uncomfortable for our natural human tendency to hold a grudge. Some of us have an excellent memory when an apology is owed to us, often complete with dates, direct quotes, and supporting screenshots. We may have “forgiven” the person, but we certainly will not be forgetting any time soon. Love calls us to stop using yesterday’s (last month’s or 10 years’ ago) failure as leverage in today’s disagreement. We choose to seek restoration instead of repeatedly collecting the same debt.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:6-7, NIV).
Paul’s description also joins enduring commitment with truth—love protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres, while refusing to celebrate evil. That means loving someone can require an honest conversation, accountability, or a necessary boundary. Forgiveness does not make deception trustworthy, and perseverance does not require helping someone continue causing harm. We seek the person’s good with both tenderness and honesty, even when doing so is difficult.
Where does the strength for this love come from? Because, honestly, it sounds exhausting! John gives us a foundation:
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19, NIV).
God’s love precedes our effort. He has shown us his heart in Jesus, who gave himself for us while we were still sinners. We come to him as people who need mercy ourselves. Remembering how patiently he has dealt with us changes the way we approach someone else’s weakness.
We also depend on the Spirit’s work within us. Paul writes,
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…” (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV).
God produces the character he calls us to practice. We ask for his help, surrender the reaction we would prefer to justify, and choose the response that reflects Christ. His grace works in those small moments when we pause, listen, forgive, or begin again.
“Love never fails,” (1 Corinthians 13:8).
Paul is pointing to love’s enduring place beyond the gifts that will pass away. Love is all of these things because we choose to demonstrate it in these ways. Today gives us an opportunity to practice that lasting love. Who needs your patience? Where could kindness change your desired response? What faithful action have you been waiting to feel like taking? Bring that place before God and ask him to help you love there. You may still feel tired, frustrated, or stretched. By his grace, you can choose to respond with his love.
bytaylormcgee
